My First Morning …….
My Dear Reha,
The most important three-word-sentence in this world is not, ‘I Love You , but , ‘It is Benign’.
When I read it long time back, it made little sense to me. I realised it five and a half years ago when the doctors declared in November 2009 that your Meethi Ma had a malignant growth in her breast. Every single day , ever since, is etched into my soul.
More than the disease , it was the fear that struck us. We were dumbfounded, as if Time had stopped in our life, as if Life in us had been squeezed out. The entire routine of love, fight, arguments, discussions, dinner talks, gossips , office bitching, pulling legs, smiles, laughs , and anger had come to a standstill. The road ahead had become dark, gloomy and scary all of a sudden. A sense of thoughtlessness. had gripped us all . I had stopped talking over phone to your Buas, Mamiji, Picky…..in fact I had stopped taking calls from anyone except relating to doctor and hospital. All of us were hugging each other and crying , hugging each other and crying, hugging each other and crying …….
During one such moment , at the breakfast table I made. a statement controlling my tears with great efforts, ‘Listen , we will fight, we will fight come what may, we will fight. with Hanuman Ji, and Durga Ma, we will fight with Kartikeya and Shiva , we will fight with Guru Ji , we will go to Tirupati , Balaji, Shirdi, we will go to Shamans, spiritual emancipators ……we are a family. God can’t be so cruel to us. We will talk to Him’
I know not if you are aware that your Meethi Ma once gave me the assurance in private, during one of my weak moments ,’ Luck !, Nothing will happen to me for the next five years.’
Her off the cuff predictions , we all knew, had always come true… We all had often tested it. She had काली ज़बान … Black tongue.
I had always wanted ten years. I wanted her to say at least ten years….. But she had already said five. I prayed to God that I wanted at least 10 years so that we could come to our own home and live for sometime after Her retirement . Almost daily I pleaded, argued, and tried to convince Him….but I knew from my heart He was closer to your Meethi Ma .
As the mystic fifth year approached, I was nervous. I had become a machine. The strength came because there was no other option.
Your Meethi Ma always wanted to marry you off before it was too late. She did. She wanted to sell the plot in Amravati and purchase a home in Gurgaon. She did ….just 10 days before She left us.
She had done everything She wanted to do in life except sitting with me in the comfort of Her own home early morning after Her retirement and have a cup of tea overlooking the green stretch of long vegetation and the rising Sun…….
As if She knew the exact location of Her home from the beginning…..
The balcony of my Bedroom faces East. For the first time in my life, I saw the Sun rising amid the long stretch of Golf Course….. while still half asleep through the entire wall of the front glass door and glass panes.
It was my first morning in the new Home. I did not get up. I did not feel like getting up. There was no reason for me to get up and go to the balcony. The Sun started blazing after a while and my bedroom looked to become an oven. I kept on sleeping or maybe I cheated myself a little longer…..till I could no longer sustain myself……
I had a restless night that lingered on……and it will take me a while to settle down to a new way of life………
The Home you and Nitish have created is just the one Your Meethi Ma would have loved to be in and I find Her everywhere.
Love
Dad
